Select Page

Hey Expecting Fathers!

I would share with you guys about my experiences as a full time stay home father business owner and student! (In short, I’m a student househusband) I’m a father of 4 months old son and learning something new every day! I’ll be adding more as days go by!

  • You must get out of the Amish habit and be a man!
  • Trim up your hair above your earlobes and not glue them to your cheek and chin. Babies tend to pull them
  • You can’t tame/boss a mother or a prego! Just let them do what they want even tho they are crazy!
  • Don’t let your partner buy bras or nursing bras before birth! YOU MUST FIGHT HER AND WIN IT! YOU MUST!
  • It’s okay to yell at the mommy but don’t yell at the baby!
  • It’s okay for the baby to fart and burp. But run like hell if the momma does it!
  • If the baby is pooping or peeing while you’re changing the diaper, just let it flow! It’s not as bad as you think!
  • Never try breast milk! EVER! Seriously! If you want to try some breast milk, you should make your partner drink a whole container of chocolate syrup for better taste.
  • Make sure you have your partner eat salad at least three times a day after birth. Not for the diet, it’s for the flavor of the milk!
  • Don’t buy any mesh bags! Trust me! It will be a waste and only used once.
  • Don’t complain if your partner pee on the toilet seat while she’s pregnant! But complain afterward!
  • Prepare bottles!!! I mean to prepare them all as much as you can! Time will be your enemy!
  • It’s okay to bring your baby into the bathroom with you if you have to poop! Just enjoy their facial expression when that take a sniff!
  • Your sex life is gone! Start knitting or make Amish butter!

Amish Butter

  • When assembling anything such as the crib, stroller, or anything, three things to wear! Goggles, gloves, and protector cup!
  • There are no diapers that will contain all the crap! Expect the blowout anytime!
  • While your wife is pumping, she’ll look at you and rename you! Your name will forever change, and you must accept it!

    Worthless Nipples! 

    My face when I'm up breastfeeding in the middle of the night, watching my husband sleep with his worthless nipples

  • Don’t get a gym membership; you’ll be doing a lot of squats, bicep curls, and deadlifts at home! Not from the baby. housework from your wife!
  • If you spill breast milk, don’t tell your partner! Don’t even apologize! Just keep it to yourself!
  • Hide your credit cards and money! You’ll have a collection of breast pumps everywhere!
  • Your favorite diapers brand will not contain blowouts!
  • Ductape is your best friend if you break the diaper wings
  • When the little one throws their feet in the air, they are not asking for you to play with their feet. They are preparing toxin air for you to inhale!
  • The baby will give you the biggest smile in the world, that’s because he/she got something for you! So SMILE back!
  • Make sure you have the baby wipes on your finger good and won’t slip off! Or you’ll get a dark valley on your fingertip!
  • If you work from home, you’ll never get anything done.
  • If you work from home and go to school full time and take care of your little one at the same time, you should contact me, and we’ll compare schedules!
  • If you work from home, your title is now househusband!
  • Wait 10 minutes after the first grunt! You don’t have to change the diapers right away!
  • Prepare yourself two separate beds! Your 2nd bed it to escape from your partner’s punches during night feeding!
  • DON’T BUY OR GET REUSABLE DIAPERS! Unless you have a nanny!
  • Amazon is your best friend for baby showers! Have people buy you diapers! AND Adult diapers too!
  • Better expect some broken toes during the night feeding!
  • If your wife calls you a housewife, then it’s safe to call her spouse abuse!
  • The most important thing of all! Take no advice from anyone!